Remembering the past

Its so ridiculous..i should have been saying bout my future..but here i'm..wan2 talk bout my past..how do i come here to this present while i only can stay in my past..

Thinking back..i was just form 2..tat tym they are famous wit having gang..i wan2 join one too..but all i get was being left alone..i myself have to face so many of them..being called to do this do tat..being called to go here go there..being bullied without telling anyone bcoz scare they wil bully me back..being keep quiet for 3years suffering from their bullying..from all of it..i just can keep quiet..no one know how hard to overcome tat..i myself also have hard time..all i can do is keep quiet and ignore everyone..from tat tym i seldom being fren wit anyone..scare being used or being scold without reason..

Bcoz of these..ppl start saying i'm selfish..i'm ignorant..some even say i'm virus and get rid of me..i pass my childhood without any fren..bcoz i scare..i scare those wil happen to me..

There was time tat i owes stays wit teachers and very close to teachers..then they say i only know how to say good things to teachers..and they say i use teachers to scare them then they say i tel teachers their bad things..

But they never think..they owes think i said things to teacher..but indeed, i never..never ever said a bad things to teachers..i close to teacher bcoz i think teachers easy going then students..

There's a few time i feel very down..even think bout wan2 end my life..its teachers give me courage..teachers encourage me..telling me to ignore the bad students..saying tat there's nothing to scare..just be myself..

I do wat also i wrong..they never give me chance to change myself..i've changed alot but they din see and just continue to judge me and make me equal sign to bad girl..i never do anything wrong to them..i just wan2 be fren wit them..i being friendly but they say i act cool..i nice to them they say i act out everything..why cant they forgive me..i really don noe wat i did wrong to them..but i apologize..no one wan2 accept me..

Hundred of times i tried to get along wit them..all end up wit being laugh by them..i really don noe wat i did wrong..i even go ask one of them..he said he don noe..i got apologize to him too..but til now he stil ignore me..

I've tried lots of time..i think of stopping..just let it be..just follow my heart..as i'm the good one..i don noe how to face ppl sometym..so i be quiet and go away..i've got tat heart to change but why ppl don give me chance..i'm just so frustrated and feel miserable..

Having this feeling, i moved to smmg when i was in form4..in there i learn to believe ppl..learn to make fren..and from there i learn alot tat i never knew before..from there also i got fren..but my first fren betray me..tat why when i make fren i'll be very careful..i really hate betrayer..i never been one..i wont go gossip someone..i'm a person tat wil be nice to someone if they being nice to me..and if they bad to me i could be hundred times worst then wat i get from them..