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Monday, June 30, 2014

My heart is so painful 😢

It has been weeks,
You started to keep a distance from me. 
I really hope it was just me thinking too much but i realised it wasnt. 

No matter how i text you or wat i text you. Out of 100%, you only will reply probably 60% of it. 

You probably duno how hurt it is to me. 
Awaiting ur text for hours, waiting your responds, scaring i might nag you or something. 

You didnt know, 
Ever since the day you keep your distance and be cool to me, 
It hurts so deep inside me. 
I didnt know if i did anything wrong or what. 

Each day, there will only be good morning and have a good day sort of text... And then good night...
It wasnt like before anymore..

I know you are busy for your career.. And i did not want to disturb you in being sucess in ur career... 
I will owes be your support no matter what...

But.. 
You started to keep everything from me...
I can only thinking too much to myself and worried blindly...
Silly?? 

I have always been thinking...
Am i not doing good enough???

Maybe, for you, im jz a random passenger that happened to fall for you. 
Maybe....

That day, i told you that i love you...
You replied that you are not ready to be in a relationship....

That day when i met you, i kept on hinting you that you might lose me...
You told me that you reject 2proposed... And i told you i dun wana listen to what you said. 
It was because i dun wana be the third one....

We have been so close....
But seriously, who or what am i to you???

I really dun need much. 
You just have to let me know, 
If you haven ready and i have the chance... I can wait....
I have been waiting for 180days...
I dun mind to wait for another 180days....

If you have another options....
Please be cruel to me... Hurt me that deep, so i can move on...

I jz want a word from you...
Not much.... Just a word..
Is it that hard???

Honestly, 
I really am tired already... 
Im tired to secretly fall in love with you..
Im tired to think of what will happen to us. 
Im tired to find ways to make ur day and to cheer u up...
Im tired to think of surprises for you and found that you dun like it...
Im tired already.....

I owes blame myself for missing you that much...
I couldnt stop not to nag you..
I jz couldnt stop thinking of you....
But i know you wont feel the same...

For you, im just another admire that you happen to like..
For you, im just another person who willing to spend tym for you..
For you, im just another girl that will be ur listener...

Since im jz another person, 
Even if im not around anymore, 
I think it wont effect you too much...

I lost my confident...
I lost my hope in love...

I hope you can find it, and bring it back to me...
Hoping that one day, it is you who said it to me...
Hoping these wasnt a sweet dream for me...
I will never wana wake up...

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Maybe im thinking too much??

Maybe i was the only one who care?
Maybe i was the only one who concern?
What makes me in continueing believing?
Its you. 
When there are times i was thinking to give up, i remembered the good time we had. 
When there are times i feel so down, i remembered the advises you gave. 
You taught me not to let anyone to be my everything,
But you didnt teach me how not to make you to be my everything!
It had been months. But for me it is still effortless. What should i do to make you at least notice me?? 
I might be nagging and making you frustrating. 
But if i didnt care you, why should i even want to text you?? 
There isnt much that i can do for you. 
And if there is, that will only be sitting quietly beside you, please at least let me be there for you?
No matter how hard the situation is, please share with me. 
I know i cant help you solve your problem, but i promise i wont let you face it alone. 
I really dun wana say this, but i felt like useless.. 
Even if im there. I will only be the one that owes interupting you, annoy you, disturbing you. 
How i wish i can do anything jz for you. 

Maybe i was really thinking too much. 
But from what i see, it seemed like i was being deserted. 
I understand that you have your life and you want me to have mine too. 
But did you know how much i wanted to tie my life to yours???

Maybe i did too much and annoyed you. Maybe you feel that im very annoying. 
Maybe.... Maybe.... Maybe.... Maybe....

There are so many maybe inside my mind. I do not have a solution. 
I do not wana burden you with my problem as well. 
I can only lay there staring at the ceiling and keep asking myself.  Is he still there???
I can only keep myself busy from thinking these non-exist questions. 
I can only smile and says, im fine. 

Whats unknown remind silents. 
I never will ask you. 

Maybe someday. When you tell me you do not need me anymore, i will jz leave you silently. 
Maybe someday when you realise i had been there, i might have already left. 
Maybe someday, who knows when that someday will come. 

I cherish every moment that we had. 
I precious every smile that you gave me. 
I treasure every words that you shared. 

No matter what is waiting ahead of us, i jz wana say... Please. When you feel tired, turn back and find me behind you, i will be waiting for you to come and pick me up, so we can continue the journey together.